Girls' Night Out
by Clinically Insane
Summary: The girls have had it with their teamates and decide to spend a long weekend at a spa in the mountains. What mahem occurs when the guys decide to tag along! The long awaited Finally! & the return of Clinically Insane after a very brief cameo (Don't ask).!
1. Wanda's Stud

Chapter 1: Wanda's Stud  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing so far, but I'm keeping my hopes up!  
  
It was a beautiful morning-well as beautiful as a morning could be at the BoM's house.  
  
It was the typical beginning to a typical day with the BoM. Blob was parked in front of the tube (tv) with a bowl of cereal watching cartoons, while Toad sat on the couch staring into space. Pietro was zooming around the grounds and Lance had already left for work.  
  
Wanda was in the kitchen reading a magazine by the sink when Pietro came in through the back door.  
  
"Oh, Wanda I didn't know you were in here," he said coming to a complete stop and walked over to the fridge.  
  
She watched her brother walk over and open the door.  
  
Pietro looked over at his twin; it was odd that she hadn't responded to him, "You look a little pale-here." He handed her a glass of orange juice.  
  
Wanda took the glass a little hesitantly, but drank from it all the same-  
  
PPPPPPPHHHHhhhhhhhttttttttt!  
  
Just as quickly as she took the juice into her mouth she spit in into the sink.  
  
"What?!" asked Pietro rather bewildered at his twin's reaction, "Is it expired?"  
  
That's when Pietro looked in the sink, "Oh my God! Where did all that blood come from?!"  
  
Sure enough the orange liquid that coated the sink was tinted red.  
  
"C'mon," he pulled her toward the door.  
  
-------------  
  
Meanwhile at the Xavier Institute things were heating up and not in the romantic sense-but just sit tight it should by the last chapter!  
  
"Damn it, Kurt, I'm going to turn you into a throw rug!" yelled Kitty as she chased the Fuzzy Dude around outside through the sprinkler system.  
  
BAMF!  
  
Kurt ported on to a lawn chair, "Easy, Kitty-Vould it help if I said I vas really, really sorry?!"  
  
She lunged for the chair-  
  
BAMF!  
  
"Like hold still!" shouted Kitty.  
  
"Kitty, I swear I-"  
  
"Eye-Yai-Yai-Shee-YA!" screamed Kitty doing her best Xena the Warrior Princess battle cry.  
  
"Mein Gott," yelped Kurt as Kitty pounced on him.  
  
BAMF!  
  
Both parties disappeared in a puff of smoke.  
  
"The hell was that about?" asked Logan as he drank his coffee in the foyer.  
  
"Oh, Kurt hacked into Kitty's computer and read her diary again," stated Rogue nonchalantly as she flipped through a scary story anthology.  
  
"I never knew she could get that pissed," remarked Logan.  
  
"Ah nevah new she watched Xena," said Rogue trembling a bit.  
  
"Sooo-" Logan trailed off a bit, "When's Gumbo gonna show up?"  
  
SLAM!-Rogue threw the book shut.  
  
"Look, Logan, the Prof. an' Buckethead may have made it a rule that Gambit and Ah spend half an hour everyday in the commons room of each team evah since that incident (Bushwhacked ref.), but they didn't specify a tiahme. So unless if you want meh to kick another field goal-(another Bushwhacked ref.-Mwahahaha!)"  
  
"Fine," growled Wolverine.  
  
~Meanwhile up stairs~  
  
BAM!-Jean mentally blasted her door shut.  
  
"Scott, I am perfectly capable of choosing my own outfit!" yelled the telepath in a dangerous tone.  
  
"I don't see how," reasoned Scott, "It's chaos in that closet: jeans, capris, shorts, hot pants, Daisy Dukes, long sleeve shirts, ¾ sleeve shits, T-shirts, tube tops and every style of shoe known to man all mixed together!-I'd be more than happy to organize it for you!"  
  
Jean groaned inwardly-Why had she let her telepathic guard down when went to brush her teeth?! She should have know the result would have been catastrophic!  
  
-------------  
  
And now back to the twins-who were at this moment rapidly approaching their father's hide out.  
  
Once inside they shook off the snow and headed toward the commons room where Colossus and St. John were sitting on the couch watching cartoons on two separate channels using the picture in picture function, but enough about them for now anyway.  
  
"Hey, Shi-er-Wanda," Pyro greeted.  
  
"Where's Magneto?" asked Pi frantically.  
  
"In a meeting, Comrade, why?" asked Colossus.  
  
"Thanks," said Pietro over his shoulder.  
  
"I wouldn't, Mate!" warned St. John, "He said the only reason to bug 'im would be if Apocalypse was beatin' down the front door."  
  
"This is worth the risk," said Pietro dragging his sister behind him, "grab a roll of paper towels and follow us!"  
  
BANG!-Pietro kicked the door to the conference room wide open.  
  
"Pietro, what is the meaning of this?!" roared the Master of Magnetism.  
  
"Trust me," assured Quicksilver, "This is an emergency!"  
  
"It had better be," growled his father.  
  
"Here's those towels you wanted, Mate," said John running up to the threshold with Piotr at his heels.  
  
*COUGH*-Wanda spit a mouthful of blood into her hand.  
  
"Christ!" exclaimed Creed, "What were you little morons doin'?!"  
  
"Here, I'll take those," Mystique took the roll of paper towels and attempted to clean Wanda up, "Colossus, go get a dishtowel!" yelled Mystique.  
  
"Right," said Colossus running for the kitchen.  
  
"Open your mouth," said Mystique wadding up quite of few sheets of the paper towel.  
  
Wanda shook her head "No."  
  
"No?!-What do you mean 'No'?!-You're bleeding everywhere!"  
  
Wanda froze for a minute and then reluctantly opened her mouth-  
  
"A TONGUE STUD?!" yelled Mystique.  
  
(AN: Oh, come on you know me better than that!-I'm a sucker for double meanings-Mwahahaha!)  
  
~5 Minutes Later~  
  
Both the adults and the kids were sitting at conference table. Magneto had removed said tongue stud with the aid of his powers. The bloody piece of metal sat in front of him on a napkin.  
  
"Care to tell us why you had your tongue pierced?" asked her father, trying with every fiber of his being to remain seemingly calm.  
  
Wanda who had a folded up paper towel on either side of her tongue picked up a piece of paper and a pen and wrote, "I don't see how that's important."  
  
"Humor me," Magneto narrowed his eyes.  
  
Wanda looked over at John-well, more like his belt buckle-and wrote, "It's kind of personal."  
  
(AN: MWAHAHAHAHA!)  
  
-------------  
  
Thank you, all for being so patient. I'm sorry it took so long, but I used this time interval between tales to work on another story or two.  
  
I'm Clinically Insane-  
  
Thanks for droppin' by! 


	2. Basta!

Chapter 2: Basta!  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing as of yet.  
  
(AN: 'Basta' is Italian for 'enough')  
  
Gambit showed up at the Institute around noon and received a usual less than tepid welcome from the Wolverine.  
  
Picture this-Gambit and Rogue are laying on the couch in the commons watching TV minding their own-rather each other's business. Rogue is draped over Remy's chest with her head under his chin. The remote was placed precariously on the coffee table, just balancing-half on half off.  
  
BAM!  
  
The door to the commons room was thrown open.  
  
Gambit and Rogue didn't flinch.  
  
"Bonjuor, Wolvie," said sleepy Gambit, "Back from beatin' off after a danger room session, so soon?"  
  
"Gambit, be niahce!" warned Rogue.  
  
"That's it, Gumbo, yer ass is mine!" growled Wolverine.  
  
"Whoa, 'old it dere homme, Gambit don' swing dat way."  
  
Rogue burst out laughing, "Ya have to admit it, Logan, you walked into that one."  
  
SKNIT!  
  
Logan started to growl, "Lets take this outside."  
  
"Lemme jus' get de cards," said Gambit reaching for his pocket.  
  
"Oh would the two of you knock it off!" groaned Rogue, "Ah sweah you two are than toddlers!"  
  
"Speaking of kids, were you two planning on having any? I mean I've been curious ever since that movie-about eye color that is, Belle brought up an interesting point. (How Much Embarrassment Can 2 Mutants Take? ref.) " said Logan with a wolfish grin.  
  
Remy visibly paled, "Dat's not funny, Fuzzy!-'sides Belle's a psycho."  
  
"Ugh, he's just trahy'n ta scare you." Rogue rolled her eyes.  
  
Sniff-sniff  
  
"It's working," said Logan still smiling as he sat down.  
  
Remy and Rogue looked at each other and then back at Wolverine.  
  
"Yer just gonna sit there and prah into our private life?!" asked Rogue more than a little cheesed off.  
  
"Hey, at least he's not readin' Hustler, while we watch TV dis time." said Gambit.  
  
-------------  
  
It was pretty much the same thing at Magneto's place, only rather than the Wolverine they had Mystique to contend with-  
  
"You know, Dear, You can do better than him," said Mystique with her arms crossed as she hovered behind the couch.  
  
Rogue's eyes narrowed, "Funny, Ah could say the same fer you-Ah mean the whole 'take over the world thing' is really a bit passé."  
  
"Why you little!" yelled Mystique, "How dare you address your Mother in such a tone!"  
  
Rogue rolled her eyes, "Yer not my mother!"  
  
"That's not what you said two weeks ago (Bushwhacked ref.)," said Mystique in a dangerous tone.  
  
"I was hiahgher than a fucking kite!" argued Rogue.  
  
-------------  
  
Meanwhile Magneto was having a similar argument with Wanda a few doors down, only there's wasn't as noticeable on account of Wanda's tongue still hurt like a mother so she had to write all of her responses.  
  
"Wanda-for the last time-what were you thinking?!" her father was growing weary of her relationship with Pyro-VERY, VERY QUICKLY!  
  
"It would be fun for the both of us! (her and Py)" she wrote.  
  
"Do you have any idea the infection that can occur from piercing?!"  
  
"What?! I had a doctor do it!" Wanda scribbled.  
  
"How long do you think this relationship is going to last?!" her father asked.  
  
"Probably not long, if you keep butting in!-!-!-!" wrote Wanda in big letters.  
  
"I'm looking out for you're best intersests!" insisted Magneto.  
  
"No, you're looking out for-YOUR-best interests! As far as you see it I'm only distracting him!" Wanda jotted down.  
  
"THAT'S REDICULOUS!-I am merely trying to point that you're both still very young-and young people have a tendency to change their minds-" her father attempted to take the cerebral route out.  
  
"This coming from a man who has SEVERE COMMITMENT ISSUES!" wrote Wanda.  
  
-------------  
  
Back at the Institute~  
  
The adults were sitting in the in Xavier's office going over all the most recent information collected in Apocalypse. When suddenly the silence was broken by~  
  
"Kitty, please put down the AX!" pleaded Kurt.  
  
"Kurt, I told you time and time again not to go near my computer-but no-you just wouldn't LISTEN!"  
  
BAMF!  
  
CHOP!-Kitty swung through Kurt and into a door frame.  
  
"DAMNIT! Hold still!" shouted Shadowcat as she removed the blade from the wall, "Your fur is going to great with my comforter once I turn you into a throw pillow!"  
  
~  
  
"I'll handle this," said Logan getting up.  
  
~  
  
Just then from the second floor-  
  
"SCOTT?! What are you doing in my closet?!" yelled Jean.  
  
"Jean, I wear there is a perfectly logical reason for this-if you just give me five minutes I'm sure it'll sound convincing!" insisted Scott.  
  
"UNHAND MY SHOES!" shouted Jean.  
  
"I was just organizing-I swear!" whimpered Scott-a.k.a the X-Men's fearless leader.  
  
~  
  
All the men were looking at Storm.  
  
"What are you all, DERANGED?! That's a suicide mission without telekinesis." Storm pointed out.  
  
"She's got a point!" admitted Beast.  
  
"I'll handle it." Charles reassured them in his warm manner.  
  
-------------  
  
Back at Magneto's pad Rogue and Mystique had been at it for two hours! And they had also picked up as few spectators, Mastermind and Sabertooth.  
  
Finally Rogue had had enough!  
  
"THAT'S IT!" she yelled, "AH'VE HAD IT!"  
  
"OH REALLY?!" shouted Mystique crossing her arms, "AND JUST WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING TO DO?-GO CRY ON GAMBIT'S SHOULDER?!"  
  
"HA-YOU WISH!" screamed Rogue as she turned to face Remy.  
  
"This should be good," growled Mystique.  
  
"Remy, Sugah, Ah need a weekend at the spa fer obvious reasons," said Rogue shooting a glare toward her adoptive mother.  
  
"Alright, Cher, here," said Remy smiling as he took out his wallet and handed her his Master Card, "an' take de other fillies wid you."  
  
"Thanks, Sugah," said Rogue as she kissed the strip of fabric running over forehead and the headed for the door.  
  
BANG!-The door slammed shut and Rogue was gone.  
  
"My God, man, are you insane?!" asked Mastermind, "You just let her walk out of here with your credit card!"  
  
Remy shrugged, "She's happy dat's all dat matters-"  
  
"You can't be serious!" Mystique rolled her eyes.  
  
"An' when she's happy," Remy added, "she lets Gambit do stuff to her."  
  
"Preachin' to the choir, kid," Creed laughed on account of he, himself was very experienced with the 'ceremonial handing over of the credit card' when it came to Storm (Bushwhacked ref.). 


	3. Let the Games Begin

Chapter 3: Let the Games Begin  
  
It only took the girls about an hour to pack. They met at the Institute and left in Jean's SUV.  
  
I personally am not one for long good-byes so lets just cut to the bar scene, shall we?  
  
Later that night, around 6-ish Remy, Piotr and John went out to a bar and ordered around of beers. They were sitting around the booth looking like they just saw a puppy get run over by a truck.  
  
"Yer pathetic ya know that?" came a voice from behind, "The girls haven't even been gone fer three hours an' yer already acting like it's the apocalypse."  
  
"Don't say that word, Mate," John shuddered.  
  
"What do you want, Wolvie?" asked Gambit as he took another swig of beer.  
  
"Peace and quiet," responded Wolverine in a somewhat dreamy tone.  
  
"An' why does Gambit give de rat's ass?"  
  
"Because I can fix both of our problems?" said Logan with a smirk.  
  
"You are going to kill us?!" asked Piotr.  
  
"No," Logan rolled his eyes and then added, "not today anyway."  
  
"An' what makes you so damn sure dis plan o' yo's gonna work? asked Gambit.  
  
"How about this?" asked Wolverine, "I'm so sure that it's going to work I'll buy the next round. Whadda ya say?"  
  
"Oh, garson (Oh, waiter)!" yelled Gambit.  
  
~5 min later~  
  
"So what yo sayin' is dat we should go an' spy on our fillies?!" asked Gambit.  
  
"Won't that make the Sheila's mad?" asked Py.  
  
"I know Katherine would be disappointed with me," said Colossus.  
  
"Slow down," said Wolverine, "I'm not saying you should 'spy' on them, just check up on them and don't get caught-Think you handle that, Gumbo?"  
  
"Oui," said Gambit, "but what's de catch?"  
  
Wolverine drained all the remaining liquid out of the glass bottle in front of him, "Yer taken the X-Men with you."  
  
"What?!" both Piotr and John snapped to attention.  
  
"An' if we refuse?" Gambit narrowed his eyes.  
  
Wolverine smirked and lowered his fist just beneath the table-  
  
SKNIT!  
  
"Gambit, knew dat be comin'," the Cajun rolled his demonic eyes.  
  
"But you said you were not going to harm us!" said Piotr rather horrified.  
  
"No," corrected Wolverine, "I said I wouldn't kill ya, I never said I wouldn't hurt you."  
  
"He makes a good point," said St. John.  
  
"Fine, we'll take dem wid us," seceded Gambit, "but de next time Gambit and Rogue be together in de commons room you make yo-self scarce, hear?!"  
  
"Fine," growled Wolverine in distaste.  
  
Gambit and Wolverine even shook on it to seal the deal.  
  
Then the boys left.  
  
Wolverine on the other hand decided to stay for another couple of rounds.  
  
-------------  
  
When Wolverine returned to the manor he found the all of the lights out. Thinking the building was under attack-again-he went into attack mode and searched for any remaining X-Men.  
  
He went to the back door and found no forced entry.  
  
After a short search, were talking 8 minutes, Logan found the Prof and Hank in the lab.  
  
"Oh, Logan, there you are," said the Prof.  
  
"We were beginning to wonder if you had decided to tag along with the boys and check up on Rogue," joked Hank.  
  
"Hey, even I don't want to be there when Rogue catches them," laughed Logan.  
  
"So, in essence you sent them on a suicide mission," concluded Hank.  
  
"Is it that obvious," grined Wolverine.  
  
Now Hank was confused, "But you sent Scott with them!-Not to mention the other X-Men.  
  
"I'm not worried." said Logan, "I've trained them well enough to escape. Besides I just wanted to get Scott away from Jean's shoes-I was beginning to worry."  
  
"Point taken," said Hank.  
  
"Hey, where's Stormy?" asked Logan.  
  
"She had to take care of something in Canada," said the Prof. (Bushwhacked ref.).  
  
-------------  
  
Meanwhile over at Magneto's lair the Master of Magnetism had just walked out of his office reading the Wall Street Journal. He wandered somewhat aimlessly down the main hall until he reached the commons area. It was too quiet he looked up-  
  
Mesmero and Mystique were sitting at the kitchen table.  
  
"Where is everyone?!" asked Magneto.  
  
"Gambit gave Rogue his credit card and the girls went up to spa, then the boys decided to follow the girls." Mesmero gave his boss the short version.  
  
"Then where's Sabertooth?" inquired Magneto.  
  
"He-uh-had some 'business' in Canada," said Mystique.  
  
"Which reminds me," said Mesmero I have to be on my way also.  
  
With that having been said Mesmero took his leave.  
  
There was a pause.  
  
"Do you realize we have the entire complex to oursel-MMMmmmrmph!"  
  
Mystique jumped him, they fell to floor.  
  
Riiiiiiiiiip!-Mystique tore Magneto's shirt off and threw it over the couch.  
  
-------------  
  
Anyway, back to the boys. They arrived at the spa around 9 that night and checked in after making sure to park in a commuter lot three miles away so the girls wouldn't recognize the cars they took.  
  
When they went to check in a small distraction on Jamie's part, knocking over an expensive looking vase and sending water all over the floor, gave Remy just enough time to search the reservations for the girls and print out the activities they had scheduled.  
  
"Did you get it or not?" asked Scott.  
  
"We be in business," smiled the Cajun as he pulled the print out from his pocket.  
  
"Hey, isn't that Rogue?" asked Jamie looking across the lobby.  
  
Sure enough there was Rogue wearing one of the spas robes, following a well muscled, blonde and blue eyed misuse with a sexy Swedish accent. The name tag on his shirt read "Sven".  
  
Sven opened a door on the left side of the hallway directly across from where the boys were standing and motioned Rogue to in, then he turned and went into a utility closet.  
  
"You guys go 'head, dere's no way some pretty boy is gonna hit on Remy's filie!" growled Gambit.  
  
"Go for it, man," said Jamie.  
  
"Da," said Piotr, "We will wait for you in the room.  
  
Gambit crept across the lobby and toward the open closet door. His plan to beat Sven up and take his clothes, although a bit over done through the years still held some merit.  
  
Once he reached the threshold he closed the door behind him and-  
  
POW!  
  
CRACK!  
  
BAM!  
  
CRUNCH!  
  
BANG!  
  
-------------  
  
5 minutes later there came a knock at the boys room.  
  
"Wow, room service is fast around here," commented Scott as he opened the door, "GAMBIT?!"  
  
"Whoa, nice shiner (black eye), Mate." St. John commented.  
  
Scott barely had enough time to catch the Cajun before he collapsed. 


	4. Once Waxed and Twice Shy

Chapter 4: Once Waxed and Twice Shy  
  
The next morning the boys set out in search of the girls, "divide and conquer" were. They had ordered in for breakfast, then unpacked all the equipment they would need for the day: walkie talkies, binoculars, camouflage gear, water proof mascara (How Much Embarrassment Can 2 Mutants Take? Ref), etc.  
  
They left Jamie in the room with his gameboy as well as map of the spa, a walkie talkie, a list of activities and times of each girls activities and a shit load of candy from the vending machine down the hall. Needless to say Jamie was the designated "Charlie" for the rest of the boys "the angels"- And the game is on!  
  
-------------  
  
Scott made his way down to the pool. He knew Jean likes to begin her mornings with a swim. Even on school mornings.  
  
"Ah, just in time," thought Scott.  
  
He dove into a bush just as Jean entered the shallow end. Scott whipped out his binoculars and sat back to enjoy the show.  
  
-------------  
  
Gambit on the other hand had a slower start, due to his previous injuries. But that was ok because he had enlisted the aid of Nightcrawler, while he went in search of Sven. There was no need to worry about Rogue and Amanda; they had reserved a tennis court for the better part of the morning. Then after tennis the girls would most likely hang out in the sauna until lunch, which left plenty of time to hunt for Sven.  
  
It was a relatively short search. Beginning in the lobby, it progressed down a long corridor and ended in the employee lounge.  
  
"You got de plan, mon ami?" asked Remy.  
  
"Ja, I got it, Dude. Don't vorry," Kurt answered.  
  
BAMF!  
  
The boys disappeared from the hall and reappeared under a table in the lounge just as Sven was walking by. Gambit quickly charged a card, the Queen of Hearts to be exact, and slipped it into Sven's back pocket, then-  
  
BAMF!  
  
The dynamic duo disappeared as quickly as they had come. Only this time Nightcrawler ported them into the broom closet where Sven gave Remy a beat down. On arrival both were grinning like mad men.  
  
"Toi, deux, un-" (hope that's spelled right)  
  
BAM!  
  
After the sound of frantic footsteps running down the hall post blast, Remy reached into his pocket and pulled out his walkie talkie, "Jamie, you dere, pup?"  
  
"Ya, Gambit, I'm here. What's the sitch?" asked Jamie.  
  
"Operation: Massacre Masseuse, has been completed-" said Remy.  
  
"Ja, target terminated," Kurt chimed in.  
  
"Great guys, I'll check you off the task list," said Jamie.  
  
"Thanks," said Kurt as Remy turned off the walkie-talkie.  
  
Gambit looked over at Kurt, "Remy owes you for dis."  
  
"Really, it vas nothing," said Kurt.  
  
"Non, Gambit owes you. If you need anyting come find Gambit, hear?" Remy insisted.  
  
"Alright," said Kurt a little unsure of what he had just gotten himself into, "come on, I think you need to lie down."  
  
BAMF!  
  
-------------  
  
Meanwhile John and Piotr were in hot presuit of Wanda and Kitty.  
  
The girls had just come from getting their nails done and were now headed for facials.  
  
The entire time they were having their nails done, John and Piotr were in the back of the salon under two of the huge hair dryers, you know the one's they lower over the entire top of your head, pretending to read magazines. Quite a strange sight as I'm sure you can imagine-Although somehow the girls didn't notice them.  
  
Now they were dangerously close.  
  
-Less than 20 feet behind the girls to be exact.  
  
The boys had followed them down a long corridor, not wanting to risk the chance of loosing sight of them.  
  
"Oh shit," said Kitty, "I like left my cell phone back in the salon."  
  
"Well we've got about 15 minutes before our next appointment, lets go back and get it," said Wanda.  
  
John and Piotr exchanged looks of horror then went into two different rooms. John went left and Piotr went right.  
  
The doors slammed just in time for Kitty and Wanda to turn around.  
  
"What was that?" asked Wanda.  
  
"I don't know, but this place it starting to like freak me out."  
  
"Ya, me too," said Wanda as she and Kitty doubled back.  
  
As it happened Piotr wound up in a storage room, but John, on the other hand was not so fortunate.  
  
Just as he was about to breath a sigh of relief after he heard footsteps disappearing down the hall a voice came from behind him-  
  
"Oh, you must be my next appointment - for some reason I didn't think I had another until after lunch. Oh well, hop up on the table." said a petit, blond young woman standing beside what appeared to be a fondue pot at first glance.  
  
"Um, ok," said John a little hesitantly.  
  
He sat down on what appeared to be an examination table.  
  
FWAP!  
  
The little blond pushed him down into a laying position with one well positioned hand on his chest, "Funny, I don't usually get many men in here."  
  
"Uh-" John tried to interject, but was cut off.  
  
"SOOooo-Do you have a favorite shape? You know a heart, a star, a moon-?" she trailed off.  
  
"A flame," stated John.  
  
"One flame coming up," said the blonde reaching over to turn the heat up on the so-called fondue pot.  
  
ZIIIIIIIIIP!  
  
"Uh-Sheila-what are you doing?!" asked Py rather perturbed that the woman had just unzipped his pants.  
  
"Oh is this your first time?" she asked in a somewhat melodramatic tone, "Don't worry it will be over fast."  
  
"What will be over fast?" John was getting more confused by the minute, but that's not anything earth shattering, "What are you doing with that comb-Oh- My-God-that feels good-Hey what's on that little stick-OW HOT-HOT-HOT!-What the HELL did you do that for?!-What's with the white paper-Ahhhhh, rubbing is good-"  
  
RIP!  
  
-------------  
  
In the presidential suit of Le Chateu Chaplain, in Montreal, Storm and Sabertooth were at it like it was there job. When all of a sudden-  
  
"I-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"  
  
Storm froze, "What was that?"  
  
"If I didn't know any better I'd say that was Pyro," commented Sabertooth.  
  
_____________  
  
Well here's the next chapter at long last. I know it's been forever and a day since I updated. But, happy news!-I know where this story is leading up to!  
  
So until next time (hopefully sooner coming than this time),  
  
I'm Clinically Insane 


	5. Hooked Up for Cable

Chapter 5: Hooked Up for Cable  
  
By sun down all of the boys were wiped after a long day of spying. They had all convened back at their room to order-in dinner and to tend to their wounds.  
  
Pyro sat back in one of the stuffed chairs with an ice pack on his-wedding tackle-shall we say for obvious reasons.  
  
Scott sat shirtless at the foot of the bed, while Kurt attempted to dress his wounds. It seems Scott had to dive into a couple of bushes to avoid being spotted by Jean throughout the course of the day.  
  
It was a good plan-don't get me wrong-but, and this is a big BUT, that last bush Cyke jumped into happened to be a rose bush-  
  
-and no, not the kind without thorns.  
  
"Ow!" yelped Scott as Kurt cleaned his arm with rubbing alcohol.  
  
"Hold still, man, I'm almost done." said Nighcrawler as he wrapped an ace bandage around Scott's upper arm.  
  
There was a knock at the door.  
  
Colossus answered the door, "Da?"  
  
"Hi, I'm Forge, Scott called me-"  
  
"Oh, Forge, there you are." said Scott as he yanked his arm out of Kurt's reach, "What took so long?"  
  
"Convincing the manager that super called me to fix the cable in one of the guestrooms," explained Forge as he came in with a black bag and dressed in a green electrical uniform he found in a thrift store.  
  
"Well-did you hook it up?" asked Cyke with anticipation.  
  
"Don't worry everything's wired," Forge assured him, "I rigged it so we could view it on my laptop."  
  
"Nicely done!" said Scott clapping Forge on the back.  
  
"What's nicely done, homme?" asked Gambit.  
  
"I had Forge wire the girls' room for video and audio," said Scott.  
  
"VHAT?!" asked Kurt.  
  
"Sweet!" said Pyro gleefully.  
  
"Start de flick!" insisted Remy.  
  
"I do not know about this, comrades," said Piotr sheepishly.  
  
"Aw c'mon, Petey, live a little!" insisted John.  
  
"You are sure they will not find out?" asked Colossus.  
  
"With the camera system I rigged up I doubt even the CIA could detect it!" boasted Forge.  
  
"Wait!" Jamie intervened, "Before we get started I'm going to make a run to front desk for more complimentary popcorn, do you guys want me to his the soda machine on the way?"  
  
The answer was unanimous "YES!"  
  
By the time Jamie returned Forge had everything set up. Once everyone was settled Forge hit the 'power' button and the TV lit up.  
  
-------------  
  
In their room the girls were getting ready for bed. Once everyone had brushed their teeth and put on their pajamas they all gathered on the bed to talk.  
  
"So, Wanda, your anniversary with John is coming up, riaht?" asked Rogue.  
  
"Uh, ya, I guess so why?" asked Wanda.  
  
"Well-like what do you guys have planned?!" asked Kitty anxiously.  
  
"Nothing on the at that specific night-" said Wanda.  
  
"WHAT?!" all the girls were astonished.  
  
"We're going to meet the night before," Wanda explained.  
  
"Whay?" asked Rogue.  
  
"Because on that specific night I know Magneto will be following St. John all around the complex, not to mention Pietro will be following me all around the boarding house because there's no doubt in my mind that Magneto has already called him." said Wanda.  
  
"Where are you guys going?" asked Jean.  
  
"I don't know," said Wanda, "he wouldn't tell me."  
  
"So are you guys gonna like exchange presents or something?" asked Kitty.  
  
"Sort of-" Wanda trailed off.  
  
Now all the girls were intrigued.  
  
"We do give presents, but not conventional presents," said Wanda cautiously.  
  
"Oh wait, Ah think Ah get it." said Rogue. "Do you gahys do stuff like make sex coupon books for each other?-Ah'll nevah forget the tiahme Ah made on fer Remy. There were 50 coupons and he went through them all in one weekend!-Come Monday Ah hardly knew mah own name!"  
  
"Hey, that's kinda like the time Petey and I started to play truth or dare, before I knew what happened we wound up in the costume department of Bayville High dressed as Romeo and Juliet. We were acting out what happened following the balcony scene right after Juliet dismisses her maid." said Kitty.  
  
"But Kitty," protested Jean, "Juliet never dismisses her maid in the play."  
  
"I know." Kitty laughed.  
  
"Well that certainly explains why those costumes were wrinkled on opening night!" Amanda laughed, but at the same time felt left out because she and Kurt were yet to move past second base after 5 months of dating!  
  
Then laughing Jean recounted the tale in which, "Scott and I had just gotten back from the movies-we had gone to the late show and had gotten back in at 2 am. We were walking back to our rooms and on the way we passed the library. Well, as we got closer I picked up on a fantasy Scott had ever since we first met. Long story short we wound up on one of the tables in the library and didn't get to bed until 3 am!"  
  
The laughter came to an abrupt halt.  
  
"In the library?!" asked Amanda.  
  
"What?! We were quiet!" insisted Jean.  
  
"When we get back to the Institute yer showin' meh which table it was so Ah nevah go near it!" said Rogue.  
  
"Although those stories were-interesting," ventured Wanda, "that's not what I ment."  
  
"Then what did you mean?" asked Amanda.  
  
"Well, last time we both got piercings, only I had to take mine out (as we saw in earlier chapters)."  
  
"Like what did John pierce?" asked Kitty.  
  
"The upper part of his ear only it got infected and he had to take it out." said Wanda.  
  
"What are you two planning this tahme?" asked Rogue.  
  
"I don't know about John, but I'm getting a tattoo." said Wanda.  
  
-------------  
  
Back in the guys' room, they had drunk all the soda and were more than in shock of what they had over heard.  
  
"DUDE, THE LIBRARY!" Kurt shot a look of disgust in Scott's direction.  
  
Gambit chuckled, "Romeo an' Juliet, hu?- Petey you always gon' be an ol' romantic ain't you?"  
  
Piotr only blushed in response.  
  
"You went through the whole damn book in two days?!" Jamie stared at Remy in disbelief.  
  
"Dat's why dey call me de Raggin' Cajun, little man," said Gambit smugly as he leaned back in his chair.  
  
-------------  
  
Meanwhile back at the Institute Logan was passed out on the couch wearing nothing but his boxers and a satisfied smirk. He had just killed a six pack of 24 ouncers and now he was taking a brake between hockey games.  
  
Oh ya, this was the best plan he'd ever come up with. 


	6. The Race is On!

Chapter 6: The Race is On!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything so far.  
  
"Ah can't believe it's our last day here," sighed Rogue as she and Kitty walked down to the steam room.  
  
"I know, like it's going to be hard to give up all this pampering and go back to Logan sessions." said Kitty rather dejected.  
  
There was a pause as they crossed the courtyard.  
  
"So, what are you going to do to 'thank' Gambit?" asked Kitty.  
  
"Don't worry about it," Rogue assured her roommate, "Gambit and Ah came to an agreement awhile back, if he gave me full control of his credit card Ah'd let him pick the tiahme, the place and the toys."  
  
"The toys?!" Kitty looked over at Rogue.  
  
Rogue put her arm around Kitty, "Remahnd meh to take you into the East wing of the mall sometime."  
  
"The mall has an East wing?" asked Shadowcat.  
  
"Ya, that's where the tattoo parlor is, not to mention Fredric's of Hollywood." Rogue explained.  
  
"Really?" asked an intrigued Kitty as the two girls walked into the steam room.  
  
On a near by bench two men were reading the paper. One had the comic section and the other had the Arts and Leisure section. The two men lowered their papers to reveal themselves to be none other than Gambit and Colossus.  
  
"You tink Rogue would wanna go into de city to de Greco-Roman exhibit at de Metropolitan, Petey?" Gambit asked as he discarded the Arts and Leisure section (And I bet you thought he was reading the comics).  
  
"Who is this Fredric, comrade?" Piotr asked Remy.  
  
Gambit put his arm around Colossus' shoulders, "Petey, dat man be a god!"  
  
-------------  
  
St. John had stayed behind in the hotel room that day to make sure Jamie didn't stick his tongue in any electrical sockets and to recover from his "injury".  
  
Jamie was taking a nap after breakfast and John was watching Sunday morning cartoons.  
  
Don't get me wrong now, John had started watching porn the second he realized Jamie was asleep. But that proved to be hazardous to his health on account of his "injury", so therefore in the event of that action-rather the inability to do "that action"- forced John to turn to that old stand by- cartoons.  
  
-------------  
  
Scott had taken to watching Jean from a distance after that rose bush incident yesterday he wasn't going to risk misidentifying any other foliage!  
  
But luckily for Scott, Kurt had come along because Jean and Amanda decided to have a smoothie by the pool before lunch.  
  
The boys had been spying from atop a low roof of the spa's main building. With binoculars in hand and Subway sandwiches beside them the Cyke and Nightcrawler commenced in spying on their girlfriends.  
  
-------------  
  
Later that afternoon Rogue and Kitty were coming back from the steam room when they decided to stop and take a break on a bench near by. That's when Kitty spotted something-  
  
"Hey, like what's this?" Kitty lifted a colored piece of paper.  
  
"Holy shit!" exclaimed Rogue, "Whay that sneaky son of a bitch!-It's one of Remy's cards."  
  
"Are you sure Rogue?" asked Kitty.  
  
"Oh, Ah'm positive!-C'mon let's go fiahnd Jean and the others. We need to discuss punishments!"  
  
"Like what do you mean?" Kitty was confused (No big shock there)  
  
"Ah mean, if one's here there all here-you know as well as meh they can't act alone. They're like lemmings, somehow they always fiahns a cliff." Said Rogue with an evil glint in her eye.  
  
"Sure Rogue, like whatever you say," said Kitty as she and Rogue headed back to the room.  
  
-------------  
  
The next morning the boys woke up to find the girls had left early. Naturally they reacted in a civilized fashion-  
  
They paniced!  
  
(What you expected them to act calmly?!)  
  
"SWEET GOD!" yelled Forge as he turned on the TV, "They've checked out early!"  
  
"Qu-Ahhhh!"  
  
THUD!-Remy rolled out of bed.  
  
"What?!-That's impossible!" said Scott reaching under his pillow to get the print out of the girls' activities.  
  
"Shit!-We gotta beat the Sheila's back to the Institute!" exclaimed St. John.  
  
"Remy hears ya mon ami!" said Gambit picking himself up off the floor, "Now help Remy find his pants!"  
  
"How long ago do you think they left?!" asked Colossus.  
  
"Too long ago!" answered Scott switching into leader mode, "Lets move people!"  
  
-------------  
  
Luckily for the boys the girls had made a quick stop at the Bayville Mall, where Rogue decided to introduce Kitty to Fredrick's of Hollywood.  
  
Unfortunately Rogue could not stay to help her roommate go through the racks, she had to accompany Wanda to the tattoo parlor for –moral support.  
  
"Yer sure yer gonna go through with this?" asked Rogue.  
  
"Yes, I'm sure," said Wanda.  
  
"But Ah mean it's in such a-tender-area," said Rogue trying to put the situation delicately.  
  
"I know, but it's the only area the tattoo will make sense," reasoned Wanda.  
  
"Ah guess yer riaht," said Rogue, "Ah'm just glad it's not meh!"  
  
~1 Hour Later~  
  
"Wow!" exclaimed Rogue, "John's gonna love it!"  
  
"Ya, it came out really good." admitted Wanda, "I'm just happy I was able to keep my underwear on!" 


	7. Merf to the Rescue Uh, sort of

Chapter 7: Merf to the Rescue!-Uh, sort of  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men-yadda yadda yadda- so on and so forth-you know the drill!-Although I do own Merf!  
  
The boys did make it back to Institute before the girls, but not by much!- They only had about a spare 15 minutes to pull into the garage, close the door and sprint to the kitchen. They barely had enough time for everyone in the kitchen and close the door.  
  
Just then they heard an engine cut off in the driveway.  
  
"Mein Gott so soon?" Kurt looked like he was going to faint.  
  
"Hello, anyone home?" asked a male voice asked.  
  
"Merf (How Much Embarrassment Can 2 Mutants Take + Hotel Management ref)?" called Scott.  
  
"Uh, ya," said Merf walking into the kitchen, "who were you expecting, the grim reaper?"  
  
"Funny you should say dat," mentioned Gambit.  
  
"Wait don't tell me," said Merf, "you guys are in trouble with the girls, right?"  
  
"In a manner of speaking," said John cautiously.  
  
A second car pulled into the driveway.  
  
"They are back!" exclaimed Colossus in horror.  
  
"Don't worry, I got ya covered." Merf assured the distraught teens.  
  
The little FedEx Driver whipped open the refrigerator and proceeded to toss the boys cans of soda.  
  
"Now when the girls walk in laugh at whatever I say, got it?"  
  
All the boys nodded their heads.  
  
-------------  
  
Meanwhile the girls unloaded the car and dropped their bags in the main entrance hall then decided to head into the kitchen for a snack.  
  
As Jean pushed the door open she heard Merf say the following-  
  
"And so I said 'Hey baby, ever done it in a suitcase?'"  
  
All the boys fell out laughing.  
  
"Oh, Sheilas," said Py, "aren't you back early?"  
  
"Don't even triah!" said Rouge as she produced one of Remy's playing cards.  
  
"Aw, dat's sweet Cher, you brought one o' Gambit's cards too keep you company."  
  
"Cajun, Ah sweah!" Rogue shouted.  
  
"Easy Chere, Remy can explain," Gambit insisted.  
  
"Oh, ya'll will explain, only after," said Rogue.  
  
"After what?" asked Piotr.  
  
There was a pause.  
  
"CHARGE!" yelled Jean.  
  
-------------  
  
Later that night the Acolytes returned home. Cautiously they headed down the hall to the commons room. They knew far too well to make the same mistake twice-Once they walked in on the Master of Magnetism and Mystique at it on the couch! The end result being a 3 day, 2 night outing with Sabertooth!  
  
Fortunately for the boys when they reached the commons room Magneto and Mystique were watching the news.  
  
"Back so-" Mystique stopped mid sentence.  
  
"Why-dare I ask-are you wearing dresses?" asked the Master of Magnetism.  
  
The boys were in fact wearing make-up and dresses. You see the girls decided to give the guys a make over after they found out the boys had spent all that time at the spa and hadn't intentionally take part in any pampering. The girls had caught the boys, tied them to chairs, did their make up, put them in dresses as well as reinforced pantyhose, given them purses to go with the dresses, fitted them with high heels and took photos for later blackmail.  
  
"The girls probably caught them," said Mystique with a smirk.  
  
"I feel as though I should take a picture and have it framed," said Magneto chuckling.  
  
"Jus' ask Rogue," said Remy, "No doubt she gonna have double copies made!"  
  
With that the boys wobbled back to their rooms for the night as Magneto and Mystique continued to laugh on the couch.  
  
-------------  
  
The next night Kitty and Piotr met in the costume department of Bayville High only this time, rather than Romeo and Juliet, they were dressed as Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy from Jane Austin's novel, Pride and Prejudice. Only this time when Piotr removed the dress he got quite an unexpected surprise-  
  
A fuzzy, hot pink thong with a matching bra.  
  
"Katya," Piotr's eyes nearly leapt out of his sockets, "where did you get that?"  
  
"Fredrick's of Hollywood," said Kitty rather happy with Colossus' reaction.  
  
It was then Piotr realized Gambit had been right, Fredrick was-A GOD!  
  
-------------  
  
Three days later in the Honeymoon suit of the Marriot St. John and Wanda met for their anniversary. The champagne was chilled, the "Do Not Disturb" sign was placed on the door and rose petals covered the surface of the water in the hot tub.  
  
After about three hours of doing it everywhere, but the bed, John and Wanda decided to take a break on king-sized water bed and exchange gifts. Wanda went first.  
  
She had been wearing a large Band-Aid over the tattoo.  
  
"I know you've been a little down lately, so-" Wanda began as she began to peel off the Band-Aid from high up on her inner thigh.  
  
John could barely believe it what he saw-  
  
There it was on her inner thigh. The tattoo was done in a style to mimic a dyed stamp on a wooden crated like in an Indiana Jones movie. There was rectangular boarder with rounded edges an inside the boarder in block letters was the words "Down Under" (I don't know if it's one word or two.)  
  
Now it was John's turn.  
  
He retrieved a small velvet box out of his discarded pants at the end of the bed and opened it to reveal a rather impressive diamond ring, "Will you marry me?"  
  
~Fin~  
  
I know it's an evil stopping place, but it will all add up in the coming stories. Next up: A Debt Repaid.  
  
And again just a reminder, all reviews are welcome. If anyone feels I've crossed a line somewhere or disagrees on some point of what a character would do or say, please tell me! 


End file.
